Shobukai Shift

Listeners Share How Past Experiences Impact Adaptability

• Mary Schaub • Season 1 • Episode 9

Share episode

In this episode of Shobukai Shift, listeners write in to tell their personal stories about why they struggle to deal with even small unexpected changes. In this introspective episode, host Mary Schaub delves into the deep-rooted origins of our emotional responses and the importance of self-reflection in personal transformation.

 The episode explores how our past experiences, particularly from childhood, create "hardwired" emotional responses to unexpected changes. Through listener stories, Mary illustrates how individuals can recognize these patterns and work towards more mindful, adaptive behaviors.


Takeaways:

💡 Our reactions to unexpected changes often stem from past experiences and childhood conditioning

💡Self-awareness is crucial in understanding and evolving our emotional patterns

💡Personal growth is a continuous process of learning and adapting

💡Childhood experiences significantly shape our current behavioral responses

💡Being gentle with ourselves during the process of self-discovery is essential

 

Compelling Quotes:

🎤"We're all the authors and the main characters of the book we're writing about our lives."

🎤"No matter who you are or where you come from, we all have one thing in common. We're all going to be on this earth for a relatively short period of time."

🎤"Life is the process of figuring out the story you want to live, but we're all also figuring out who our main character is."

🎤"The live wire can be retired. It's not needed anymore."

 

Show Links:

🔥History of the World in 10 minutes (@melodysheep)🔥

🌟Timeline of World History (@UsefulCharts) 🌟

💜Scientists find heightened attention to surprise in veterans with PTSD - Virgina Tech - Dr. Chiu study 💜


Keywords:

✅ personal growth ✅life purpose ✅emotional resilience ✅childhood trauma

✅self-discovery ✅unexpected changes ✅mental health

✅personal transformation ✅psychological patterns

✅emotional intelligence

 

#PersonalGrowth #SelfDiscovery #MentalHealth #Transformation #Resilience #Mindfulness #EmotionalIntelligence #Healing #PersonalDevelopment #LifePurpose

Disclaimer:

***The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only and any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice.***

Credits: Written, produced and hosted by: Mary Schaub. Theme song written by: Mary Schaub. Mixing Engineer: Dylan Yauch

Contact: Tell us how your transformation is going. Email us at Shobukai_Shift@mschaubadvisory.com or leave us a voicemail at ‪(631) 371-3240‬ and we may play it on a future episode.

Website: M. Schaub Advisory (MSA)

** Shobukai Shift is a MSA Production **

Mary Schaub (00:00)

Hi, gentle warriors. How are you? Welcome to Shobakai Shift, where we talk about transformations that matter. Nothing too serious. Let's talk about how to navigate the process of finding meaning and purpose in life. You know, late and superficial stuff. Talking about befriending, conscious living, and evolving so that we might become the people we are meant to be. And maybe, just maybe, when we all do that, we find ourselves in a happier and healthier world.

 

Yes, please. I'd like that. How about you? I know, I know. It's not gonna happen overnight. Don't worry. I believe it's the trying that matters. So all of this sounds pretty heavy, right? If you're still with me, you're probably thinking, geez, Mary, aren't things complicated and hard enough right now? Now you want me to think about the meaning of life? I know, listen, I'm feeling it too, but hear me out.

 

I think it's our way through it. I think it's what you're seeking right now. I think you are the change you and the world are waiting for. But if you're anything like me, you've spent a lot of time looking at life a different way. And maybe now you're trying to figure out how to make the shift to a life that's more aligned to who you are. So don't worry, we're gonna have some fun with it.

 

I mean, we have to have some fun with it, right? Well, I'm having fun. I've had some really cool and inspiring conversations last week. I can't wait for you to hear those shows. People who not only found purpose and meaning in life, but did it by transforming some pretty shitty experiences they went through. So keep an eye out for that. Please subscribe to this podcast so that new episodes always find you. I'm currently spending most of my time on LinkedIn. I'm not really putting anything out on...

 

any of the other meta apps or TikTok right now. Honestly, just keeping my boundaries firm around the quantity and quality of information that's coming into my orbit. Quick note, I had Dr. Ralph Gross III on the show a few months ago. He wants to be president. He's wanted this since he was a child and he's given it so much thought, he wrote a book about it. So for some people, they actually have

 

a pretty good sense of their life's purpose. For many of us, myself included, our life's purpose is to figure out our life's purpose. And that's cool too. We're all the authors and the main characters of the book we're writing about our lives. Some people, like Ralph, have a good sense of the storyline. Others are letting it unfold naturally. For me,

 

I'm fascinated about the process and I love to talk about the process.

 

I love to hear about people's origin stories, their dreams, their challenges, and how they're trying to figure all this stuff out. To me, this feels like the very point of being human, because no matter who you are or where you come from, we all have one thing in common.

 

We're all gonna be on this earth for a relatively short period of time. And each one of us has been given a choice to decide what to do with the brief time given to us. I saw this amazing video on the history of the universe. Check it out. I put the link in the show notes. It's 10 minutes, super quick, but each minute represents 22 million years, starting with the Big Bang through to now. I don't know about you, but for me,

 

I cannot get my head around the enormity of 13 billion years. I mean, can you even conceptualize that? I certainly can't. In the video, the human race is like half a second in the context of our overall history. It really gives perspective on just how teeny tiny and insignificant the human race is in context to the history of our universe. I find it comforting.

 

I don't know, maybe this is sounding really depressing to you, but really, I think things today that are upsetting and feeling huge and overwhelming are a speck of dust in the history of time. And at least for me, it somehow feels to take the pressure off, just a bit. So life is the process of figuring out the story you wanna live, but we're all also figuring out who our main character is.

 

We're doing both at the same time. Sometimes you learn about yourself through trying different things. So for example, I would never in a million years would have thought I would be writing a podcast, no less hosting one. And the last year I've written, produced and hosted two. How did this happen? Well, an opportunity arose for me to give it a try and I tried it and I enjoy it.

 

I'm still very much learning and figuring things out as I go. I don't have an end game. I'm not attached to an outcome. I'm just learning and enjoying the process. At a minimum, I get to research topics that interest me and I get to talk to really cool, interesting people who I learned so much from. I am so incredibly grateful for this experience. So I'm just enjoying doing it for the sake of doing it.

 

Now, there are other ways we can learn about ourselves other than just trying stuff. We can reflect. Personally, I prefer the word ponder. I like that, ponder. So I thought it would be fun to throw out some questions for you to ponder about the main character of the book you're writing. And I call this protagonist ponderings. So back in episode seven, we talked about uncertainty.

 

I admitted that even though I love change, I still find small unexpected changes very frustrating. So let's say for example, you ask me out to dinner next month. Let me tell you right now what's gonna happen. Number one, I'm gonna look at the menu immediately because I wanna know what I'm gonna have. I also don't eat meat or chicken, so.

 

I do wanna make sure that there's stuff that I can eat at this restaurant, but I literally am gonna self, I'm gonna select what I'm gonna eat a month in advance. Two, I'm gonna Google Maps the restaurant and I'm gonna figure out my travel and I'm gonna put all the details in my calendar. And three, I'm gonna make a note about what I wanna wear. It's like all of this is a month before dinner, right? Like I get it, yeah, it's a bit much, but you know, I'm a bit hyper vigilant about things and...

 

you can imagine how I might respond when you text me the day before that you have to cancel dinner. My responses to you are probably gonna vary depending on how many times you've canceled or changed plans on me before. Now listen, I get it, shit happens. Most of us are very busy juggling different responsibilities. I get it. But if you do this to me regularly, I'm gonna get pissed. And in the past, I would...

 

probably be less likely to make plans with you again. And maybe it even becomes the beginning of our friendship sort of drifting away. These days, I'm looking at handling these situations with a bit more integrity. So perhaps instead of sulking by myself, I might now politely express my feelings to you. And maybe I say, hey, I noticed you've canceled or rescheduled a few times. Maybe we should hold off rescheduling

 

until things settle down. And by the way, I'm like this with lateness too. It's a big trigger for me. And there's lots of reasons why that is, some old childhood stuff about unreliable adults. And so the anger is still sort of a live wire, if you know what I mean. It's still active. Now, how about you? How would you respond if I canceled on you the night before?

 

So here are some protagonist ponderings I asked you. How do you personally experience small unexpected changes that come up in your life? What feelings arise for you when plans unexpectedly change? How do you react? And where do you think that comes from? I was really excited that three of you sent in responses, which I'm gonna read today. So first up, Sarah from Portland sent in an email and she writes,

 

Hi Mary, your question got me thinking. I've noticed I have two completely different reactions depending on the time of day. If a plan changes early in the morning, I get this immediate knot in my stomach and feel overwhelmed. But if the same thing happens later in the day in the afternoon, I don't give it a second thought. I think this started when I was very little. I was raised by a single mom who worked and cared for me and my brother with very little support.

 

Because she worked, our morning routines were very stressful and intense. She had to get us all ready and out the door so she wouldn't be late for work. If anything disrupted breakfast or getting to school, she would freak out. I can't believe I'm 34 and this is still bothering me, especially as I can bike to work in 10 minutes pretty easily. Crazy that this old thing still affects me. Thank you, Sarah. This is so fascinating and...

 

By the way, hats off to you for figuring this much out. mean, sure, you're 34, super young by the way. I mean, do you even realize that many people don't even start to unpack some of this old stuff until later, if at all? I mean, it completely makes sense. You and your brother were young and impressionable and you were picking up on all this very complicated and intense energy from your single mom. You could probably feel it, but didn't yet have the capacity to

 

really understand what was happening? I mean, how could you? But you did absorb it all, as we all do. I mean, that's what kids do. And I'm guessing it probably created a wired connection that you still have today. I mean, as I said, I have this too with being late.

 

I have a house that is, well, I love my house, but it can be a nightmare. The prior owners cut a lot of corners. And so about every other month, there's something new that pops up. For example, there were like four or five light switches that didn't do anything. We had no idea what they went to. So we eventually had an electrician come in and he found that they were old, those wires didn't go to the things that they went to anymore. And so he got rid of them. I mean, at some point,

 

It probably did go to something that's no longer in the house, but no one then took out the wiring. You know, it kind of makes me think about your hardwired response to being vigilant in the morning. I'm sure that there were some mornings when you were a kid that were super intense and had a real impact on you. So you created that wiring to avoid upsetting your mom and maybe even getting in trouble. But now you're 34.

 

You know, the live wire can be retired. It's not needed anymore. And by the way, I know this is so much easier said than done. I think most of us have a stack of wires and we just need to take our time finding and retiring them. And this takes time. So be gentle with yourself. What I've learned is that you have to give a lot of love to the little Sarah inside of you who still feels that live wire. Remind her that you now live in Portland.

 

where you can bike to work. And now that you're grown up, you'll make sure both of you get to where you need to be in time. She no longer needs to worry. Thank you for your email. Next email is from Marcus in Austin. I like that name. That's a cool name, Marcus. Okay, Marcus writes, I'm a chef and deal with constant unexpected changes. Suppliers not delivering, equipment breaking down, staff calling in sick. Earlier in my career,

 

These surprises would send me into a rage, but over the years I've come to thrive on the challenge. It forces me to be creative, which I love most about my job. Now when things go sideways, I get a rush of excitement. Unfortunately, I still struggle with changes in my personal life. Like when my girlfriend changes plans unexpectedly. It's something we fight about a lot. I'm still figuring out how to be more flexible with her like I am at the restaurant. Thank you, Marcus.

 

I was imagining you as the bear when I read your email. my God, do you love that show? When is that back? I love that show. I will say it took me a couple episodes because the energy was so intense. I wasn't sure I was gonna be able to keep watching it. It like literally had a tightness in my chest. another quick sidebar. Anyone watching The Pit? that's another one. I'm so obsessed with this.

 

I was a big ER fan back in the day. Noah Wiley is amazing. Kind of similar energy to the bear. Some moderate anxiety, but all good. I just can't watch it right before bed because I'll just lay awake. But I do highly recommend it. Okay. Back to Chef Marcus from Austin. Marcus, I don't know how you folks in the restaurant world do what you do. I certainly couldn't do it. I can barely watch a TV show about it, but you are doing it.

 

And not only are you doing it, but you've hacked your change adaptability for work. I worked in consulting for many years where I found a good number of people who, like you, seem to thrive on the challenge of hyper-paced work. It's like you kind of get off on it a bit, like the adrenaline rush. Not me. Again, I love how you're looking at it like a game. It sounds like an attitude of curiosity and playfulness.

 

But back to being patient with yourself, you're working on figuring it out. Like why maybe you're not as adaptable in your personal life. I mean, it does make sense to me that interpersonal changes will land differently than work changes. Unlike your food delivery guy, your girlfriend is an intimate relationship. So it makes sense that there might be some old wiring that goes back in time. I have no doubt you'll figure it out. Thank you for sharing your story.

 

Next email is from June from Vancouver. June writes, your question touched on something I've been working through in therapy. I realized I have this deep seated fear that any unexpected change means something bad is about to happen. When plans shift suddenly, my heart starts racing and I immediately imagine worst case scenarios. My therapist helped me understand this comes from experiencing several family emergencies as a child where unexpected changes

 

usually meant having to go to the hospital. I'm slowly learning to pause and remind myself that change can also bring good things, but it's definitely a work in progress. Aw, well, thank you for your email, June. I can definitely relate to catastrophizing. I have a tendency to do that myself. Certainly why I can be hypervigilant about some things, because on some level, we think that that super preparedness

 

will help control things. So nothing bad happens to us. I mean, it sounds a little bit like maybe there's some childhood trauma to work through, which I completely understand. I can't imagine how overwhelming it must have been as a child to have multiple medical emergencies in your family. That's super scary. And like our first email from Sarah, as a kid, you're feeling your emotions, but you're also picking up on

 

everyone else's emotions.

 

I've had arguments with my partner about this very thing. He'll say, instead of four people coming to lunch tomorrow, it's gonna be six. And I'll immediately feel it in my body. I'll be annoyed and feel maybe like a little panic. Do we have enough food or do we have to change the table settings or like everything seems, I don't know, like stressful. And it's stupid, right? Because as we're talking about it, it's like, who cares?

 

go pick up another pack of hamburger buns or whatever. Like, it's not a big deal. Like, I'm not stupid. I know intellectually it's not a big deal. And I don't want to react the way I do. It's a very automatic physical thing. I'm not reacting to hamburger buns. I'm reacting to that old live wire that is about a young girl experiencing a surprise which feels overwhelming.

 

So get this, scientists from Virginia Tech have done research which revealed that people with PTSD have an increased learning response to surprising events.

 

While most everyone reacts to surprise, people with PTSD seem to pay more attention to it. So Dr. Chu, who's an associate professor of psychology in Virginia Tech's College of Science and her team, used functional MRI to scan the brains of 74 veterans, all of whom had experienced trauma while serving at least one combat tour in Afghanistan or Iraq. Some of the study participants were diagnosed with PTSD.

 

while others were not. They found that people with PTSD had significantly more activity in the parts of their brain associated with attention. Okay, what does this mean? So the folks with PTSD paid more attention to the surprising events. And Dr. Chu said that the results suggest that people with PTSD, it's not that they have disrupted responses, it's just that they pay more attention to these disrupted.

 

responses. And of course it makes sense our smart brains do this, right? It learned from the traumas that unexpected events might be life or death. It laid down a hard wire to that lesson that says, hey, I better pay attention to this. Not just pay more attention in general, but pay a lot of attention to anything that's out of the ordinary. It's a form of protection.

 

Thank you, June, for sharing your personal story. It sounds like you have a good therapist and already a lot of insight about what you're learning about yourself. I wish you the very best. Thanks again for taking the time to send in emails. I'll have more protagonist ponderings for you to chew on in an upcoming episode. Check the show notes for our contact details and send us an email with your ponderings. You're also welcome to leave them in the comments. Have a peaceful and happy day.