Finding Awesome Goodness with 'Internet Dad' Rob Kenney

In this conversation, Mary Schaub interviews Rob Kenney, the creator of the popular YouTube channel 'Dad How Do I'. Rob shares his journey from being an introverted sales professional to becoming an internet dad figure for millions. He discusses his childhood experiences, the challenges of mental health in his family, and the impact of bullying on his self-worth. Rob emphasizes the importance of finding purpose, the role of faith and forgiveness in his life, and how he aims to empower others through teaching essential life skills. The conversation also touches on the influence of Mr. Rogers, the challenges of online criticism, and the legacy he hopes to leave behind.

Key Takeaways

💡Rob started his channel to help people with practical life skills but unexpectedly reached millions, becoming known as the "Internet Dad."

💡His childhood experiences of abandonment shaped his commitment to being present for others.

💡Rob emphasizes forgiveness as essential for personal healing, not just reconciliation with others.

💡He believes in the importance of authentic connection in a digital world focused on quick entertainment.

💡Rob shares both practical skills and wisdom, recognizing that fatherhood involves teaching both.

💡His approach to faith is embodied through service rather than preaching.

💡His L.I.F.E. acronym summarizes his philosophy: Learn, Individual gifts, Forgiveness, Embrace the journey.

Compelling Quotes

🎤"I think we long for a wholesome meal, but we settle for fast food because it's easy."

🎤"Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and realizing the prisoner was you."

🎤"A dad is more than just Mr. Fix-it. Share your heart with your kids."

🎤"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

🎤"I'd like to be remembered as a man after God's own heart."

🎤"Life is what happens while we're making other plans."

Keywords

✅Internet Dad    ✅Rob Kenney    ✅Dad How Do I    ✅YouTube parenting

✅practical life skills  ✅forgiveness  ✅digital connection ✅fatherhood advice

✅healing ✅faith and service  ✅authentic parenting  ✅life wisdom 

✅viral YouTube success

Hashtags

#InternetDad #DadHowDoI #DigitalParenting #LifeSkills #Forgiveness #AuthenticConnection #FatherhoodJourney #PracticalWisdom #ServiceToOthers #FindingPurpose #HealingJourney #FaithInAction

Links

🌟Dad, how do I YouTube channel

🌟Dad, how do I book

🙏 -Thanks to Rob Kenney 💜

Disclaimer:

***The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only and any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice.***

Credits: Written, produced and hosted by: Mary Schaub. Theme song written by: Mary Schaub. Mixing Engineer: Dylan Yauch

Contact: Shobukai_Shift@mschaubadvisory.com

Website: M. Schaub Advisory (MSA)

** Shobukai Shift is a MSA Production **

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome Internet Dad, Rob Kenney
• 3:35 The Birth of 'Dad How Do I'
• 5:15 Rob's Origin Story
• 8:12 Challenges of a Troubled Home
• 12:48 Mr. Rogers: A Comparison
• 19:35 Faith and Purpose
• 21:46 Practicing Love and Kindness
• 23:13 The Journey of Forgiveness
• 28:51 Empowerment
• 37:12 Protagonist Questionnaire

Transcript

Mary Schaub (00:11)

I am so excited today because I'm talking to internet dad, Rob Kenny. He's the creative mind and loving spirit behind the popular YouTube channel, Dad How Do I, which has over 5 million subscribers. His videos have been viewed more than 25 million times by Rob's loyal, adoring online kids, many of whom cite Rob as having had an emotionally profound impact on their lives.

Rob, it's an honor and privilege to talk to you. Thank you for being generous with your time.

Rob Kenney (00:41)

I am. Yeah. Thanks for having me on. it's a privilege. I still enjoy these cause I think it's, it's just nice to be able to have conversations. I always enjoyed that with my job. I was in sales as an introvert. and I, but I used to enjoy people cause everybody's got a story. It's interesting to hear, you know, other people's perspectives on things. think a lot of times we don't take the time to, to listen. We're so busy talking, I think.

Mary Schaub (01:04)

Absolutely.

it's a pleasure. And I'm surprised to hear you say you're an introvert. I am also an introvert and I'm sort of allergic to sales a little bit. so, know, in reading about you, you've had a very successful career. So it's interesting you're an introvert and so successful in working in that capacity.

Rob Kenney (01:21)

Yeah, I, in sales, you know, it's not really an introvert's world, but I found I I've had some great, bosses that understood that it takes all types to sell to different people. And so what might sell to one person doesn't sell to the next. And so I, I've kind of carved out my niche and, I did pretty well.

Mary Schaub (01:39)

That resonates so much. I am hyper vigilant in my preparations, mainly because of that feeling that you're describing. And so I think it's really interesting, certainly at my age, where you see like the genesis of where all that comes from and people are like, you're so organized. And, you know, I built a career around consulting and operations and it's like, yeah, I just did it because I don't like the feeling of being surprised or being unprepared and being called on. So.

What ends up being a coping mechanism can sometimes be a gift and sometimes our gifts can be our challenges. The show is about the challenges of change in all of its forms, especially the most important one, which I think is finding meaning and purpose in your life. And what brings me personal joy and inspiration is to talk to people like yourself

Rob Kenney (02:08)

Yeah.

Mary Schaub (02:23)

who have traversed this road and are showing up in the world from a place of service and kindness. And when I first heard about you, I think it was on a podcast, I thought, my God, this guy is doing it. And there's so much I wanna get into, but first I wanna get out of the way, the question I'm sure you are always asked first and foremost, which is around the success of your channel. And you are an extremely successful YouTuber by all definitions and metrics. And many people

want to get on YouTube, social media, or even do podcasting because they want just that. They want the money, the fame, and the numbers that come with this kind of success. But that's not why you started your channel five years ago. You had found yourself as an empty nester and you'd raised two wonderful kids. And my understanding is that you were simply looking for a way where you could continue to be helpful in the next chapter of your life. If someone were to have told you in 2020,

that your channel could or even would become wildly popular and you'd become famous for doing it, do you think it would have changed your approach or maybe would you have even not done it?

Rob Kenney (03:35)

That those are all really good questions. I, I'm thankful now. No, we're at where I'm sitting now because, it, it exposed a lot of my weakness is exposed a lot of things that I, lot of insecurities and stuff that I had to overcome, it kind of forced me to get out of my comfort zone. if you've read anything about me or heard anything about me,

I didn't want to be famous. I didn't want to change careers. I just thought I could help 30 or 40 people I thought I was going to have this tight group and I would be able to communicate with them and kind of help mentor them I always felt why was this so hard to get this information? I'd use YouTube

you'd have to watch a 20 minute video for that one nugget. Why are you doing this to me? Just give me the nugget. And so I've tried to do that. But then I've found that people want longer videos from me too, because they like hanging out with me. it's been an interesting ride. I'm grateful for the platform that I've been given. And it scary at first seeing my name everywhere. You called me the internet dad at the beginning. That's not a name I've never given myself. I've been called that but I don't

Say, Hey, I'm your internet dad. Look at me. You know, I think that would be a little arrogant. it's just kind of a name that's been, given to me. I just trying to do what I think, would be helpful for people

Mary Schaub (04:48)

I love that the reason you did it was for yourself and for service without looking for anything back, right? I think that's always a really good way of dealing with the world. You're not attached to some outcome.

For me, I've had a 30 year career and then this was something that I thought, well, I love talking to people maybe it's somewhat indulgent, but I just thought, well, I want to do this for me. And maybe I have the handful of friends that like to sit and have a cup of coffee and talk to me about these things.

I think it's just the joy of doing it. And, and I'm, you know, surprised and humbled that I have wonderful people like you who agree to do it. And that's to me, that's, that's sort of a gift enough. I do want to talk about your origin story. for those who,

who don't know, I did read your wonderful book. It's titled, Dad, How Do I? I really enjoyed it and I listened to it on audio. So I had the pleasure of hearing you read it to me, which was even more personal and lovely. And I recommend to everybody that they pick up this book because I feel like right now the amount of information that we're getting from all around is...

is purposely very, very negative and intense. And I think we need to be really intentional about what we let into our environment listening to things that make you happy or teach you something or just make you feel good. I think that's really important that we do that. And I had that experience listening to your book.

And what I learned and for our listeners is that you grew up in Wichita, Kansas with your parents and seven other siblings. And I just want to let you know that that was my absolute dream growing up because I'm an only child. I grew up watching the Brady Bunch and that was my fantasy of this must be what this house is like.

Rob Kenney (06:31)

Yeah. mean, ours was all from the same mom and dad. I think a big thing that I've grappled with is birth order, because I'm number seven. And so

Even though I'm 60, I'm still the younger brother of these older siblings. so I think that still some of them treat me as peers and some of them not so much. so it's it's it's interesting. I mean, yeah, don't don't get me wrong. It's been a blessing. love my siblings. but there's some drawbacks to.

Mary Schaub (07:00)

I'm sure the grass is always greener and I'm sure people would think, being an only child, you got all the presence and you got all the attention and all that kind of stuff. But it's also family dependent, as you and I both know. And you had, I guess, an early age, really positive memories about the family being together. And it sounded very ideal, like listening to you're playing football and camping and all this wonderful time outdoors.

But then your dad moves the family because of his job and you guys moved to New Orleans and then eventually Washington state. And your mom's struggling with this. She's suffering from anxiety and depression and the doctors aren't treating her. So she's self-medicating with alcohol. I think it's important for some of the younger folks today who might not realize that even in our lifetime,

mental health issues were often not spoken of or always dealt with properly, even by doctors. And we've come a long way and now you hear people talking about it, about their own journeys and having therapists. And so we've come a long way, but I think some younger folks might be surprised that it was not normal when we were growing up. And at some point your parents' marriage starts to fray and eventually dissolves.

Rob Kenney (07:50)

Right.

Mary Schaub (08:12)

And unfortunately, your mom's not well enough to care for you kids, so your dad gets custody, but he has a new girlfriend and he's spending most of his time with her. So you're around 12 or 13 and essentially living on your own with some of your siblings. And dad technically has custody, and he's getting his mail there, but he's not there. And I found this so significant because as I'm thinking about what it was like being 12 or 13,

when I was 12 or 13, it it felt like the period where you're not a little kid anymore, but you're not quite a teenager. And there's all these changes happening hormonally and psychologically and socially. So you have to deal with all that normal stuff And then on top of it,

and I can relate to this, you're getting bullied at school too. And so can you remember the feelings you were having at this time? And I'm just wondering what a little 12 year old Rob is feeling and how he's coping at that stage.

Rob Kenney (09:11)

Yeah, it was difficult. I feel like it's a storm that I went through at this point. That's where I'm at. I can process it. don't get, I get a little emotional if I allow myself to, but it was tough. there was a time that I didn't even like to say my own name, Rob My self-worth was so low

Had I been younger, I think it might've been easier. I know if I was older, it would've been easier, but I was going through puberty. And so it was a time where I was questioning my self-worth, and then I'm told, okay, you're going to foster care, you're gonna live with your brother by a man that I thought was looking out for me. I say all this not to throw my dad under the bus by any means. He finished well, I forgave him.

I didn't like him for the longest time and I struggled I want to back up one thing that you said though, too, about what we fill our minds with, one of the lines I say is, I think we long for a wholesome meal, but we settle for fast food because it's easy.

we long for that connection where we get to hang out or we get to play catch or we get to do something, but we get our fix from our phone filling your mind with fast food, it's just interesting when you look back at the nostalgia of

when we grew up, you know, riding bikes and doing all that stuff. Well, you still have the choice to do that. We're just making choices not to do it. And so I try to get people to recognize that, need to go outside and play catch, you know? And so I think there's things that, that we need to figure out with that, but.

Mary Schaub (10:26)

Yeah.

love the fast food analogy I've noticed when I've gone through periods of not eating super healthy is you get really used to it. And then when you start to get healthy, you also get used to it. And I remember I was eating very clean and no sugar, no alcohol.

Rob Kenney (10:43)

Right.

Mary Schaub (10:52)

And then maybe it was someone's party or something. And it was like, let's have some drinks and some cake and some Doritos and all of that. And then you feel sick because you're not used to it.

I'll be on the subway and it's rush hour and everybody, I mean, a hundred people on a subway, everyone's looking at their phones, everyone's head is down. And even on the streets, which is busy and you have to kind of look out where you're walking, it's like a zombie apocalypse, but the addiction is pretty clear I've noticed even in having conversations with people,

what we're doing right now is really hard for people to have the attention and the focus to just sit down and see where the conversation goes. people want that quick hit,

Rob Kenney (11:29)

Yeah. And it's, it's interesting I didn't get on TikTok for the longest time because I don't like how it's, it's shortening our attention span to where you just got to be entertained and that didn't entertain me in the first two seconds. So I need to, I need to move on.

but I finally got on there because I thought, well, maybe people can find me and then under maybe look a little bit more into what I'm about. And really I'm trying to, you know, pass along wisdom that I hope will help, help the next generation or help other people. And, know, the, channel really has resonated on a level that I never imagined. I thought I was showing people how to tie a tie, but I've got people crying, watching me tie a tie. trying to process that,

was difficult at the beginning. And now I kind of get it where I'm just, trying to be myself and also walk alongside people don't think I'm that exciting, but I think it's the comfort of just hanging out with somebody.

Mary Schaub (12:48)

I want to tell you who you remind me of, but first I just want to call out There's a Japanese concept called Ikigai. I talk a lot about this. People are probably like, gosh, here she goes again on Ikigai. But it's the philosophy of how to find purpose and meaning. And it suggests that people look at doing

One, what they love, two, what they're good at, three, what they can get paid for and four, what the world needs. And as I think about you and you're building this media empire, but the product isn't the book or the YouTube channel, I think the product is you. It's Rob Kenny. And I'm gonna go back to TV again. You can see as an only child, TV was my sibling, babysitter and parent, which is why I talk about TV and movies so much.

The person you remind me of is the person who played the parental role for me, which was Fred Rogers in Mr. Rogers' neighborhood. And I don't know if that resonates with you or if you saw that as a kid.

Rob Kenney (13:43)

yeah, I've heard that a lot. It's a little difficult because Mr. Rogers one of a kind. He's very unique.

Mary Schaub (13:50)

he's, he is the one. Yeah.

for those of you who don't know Mr. Rogers, Fred Rogers, one of my lifelong heroes, he also had a difficult childhood. He was bullied and lonely. He spent a lot of time by himself. There's a great documentary about his life. I think I've seen it.

seven or eight times, including twice in the theater. And then at some point, as I was rewatching it, it occurred to me that he was doing the show for himself, like for his inner child, for the little Freddie, the boy who was home alone in his room after being bullied all day at school. And I think what reminds me of him and you is the love and gentleness that surrounded him. And so I was home alone from the age of five on.

And I was also very bullied and lonely and, you know, there's childhood trauma happening, including a lot of neglect. And when I watched Mr. Rogers, I felt like he was talking to me. What was interesting about the show, because this is on PBS and it's not like YouTube or like we all think of YouTube today, but he would address the camera like you So it's very personal where he's talking right to you. And it's done with so much love and kindness.

and also patience. It was very intentional that he was very slow in thinking, you know, and he wanted kids to learn how to regulate their emotions and their nervous system. I could feel it in my body, how calm I was when I listened to him. And I wanna read a quote from him and it says, everyone longs to be loved.

And the greatest thing we can do is to let people know that they are loved and capable of loving. And so I get very emotional talking about Mr. Rogers because he spoke to me in a way that literally no one else in my life ever had. And of course it was what I deeply longed for. And so every time I would watch this documentary, I would not even cry, I would sob. And I'm not a crier to a fault sometimes.

And so it occurred to me while was preparing to talk to you that this is a similar reaction that you're getting from your internet kids. And that must feel tremendous, but also maybe a little intimidating from a responsibility point of view, right?

Rob Kenney (16:06)

Yeah, Mr. Rogers also had education that I don't have. I'm just doing the best I can and trying to pass along. But it's interesting what you brought up about that inner child When I show how to make a pumpkin pie, I talk about it doesn't need to be perfect. It doesn't need to be perfect. You made it. And so it's so it's great.

right? I mean, I show up with a homemade pumpkin pie, the crust doesn't need to be perfect. It doesn't need to look like it's store bought, because it's not you made it.

Mary Schaub (16:26)

Yeah.

Rob Kenney (16:33)

certain things you need to make sure are done a certain way, electricity and plumbing, you got to be careful with, But when cooking, there's a lot of leeway You made it. It's, it's good. And so I try to do that in my cooking videos

Mary Schaub (16:40)

Yeah.

there's a playfulness to that, right? and I'm gonna challenge you on not being an expert. And it was true, he was an ordained Presbyterian minister and he also studied child development. But I think you had lessons and teachings as well. They were just very personal what I get from you is that you're enough.

You know, like you're enough and your best shot at this pumpkin pie is gonna be great. It's gonna be enough. there's like thousands of pumpkin pie recipes on every Google search, but there's no one out there saying, it'll be okay, it's good. just have fun with it. And that I think is what we all need. We have more than enough of the other stuff. And we don't have enough of people just telling us that we're enough as it is.

I think

I've read, people come home and they just put your channel on because your energy and hearing you speak like this is so powerful. And if you go back and watch Mr. Rogers' videos, you can see that he would say things over and over again in repetition. And I noticed that you repeat things as well, because we need that. And he would just say,

I'm so glad you're here today. I like you just the way you are." And people would make fun of him and tease him and this is corny, but wow, how powerful is it for a kid to hear those words, especially if you're not hearing it anywhere else. And here's this resource, PBS or on YouTube, where I can tap into something that wasn't available to me or isn't available to me. And even adults now still are finding they're getting something from this,

people my age.

Rob Kenney (18:23)

yeah, I always start my videos by saying, hey, kids, that just kind of evolved I didn't plan to do that. But it's funny because.

Mary Schaub (18:32)

And it seems

so genuine and it's all so authentic.

Rob Kenney (18:36)

Yeah, I mean, that's how I would talk to my own kids. And so I just kind of threw that in here. And I so I have some that'll say, I'm not a kid. I'm 18. I'm like, yeah, you're kind of a kid. But I'll let it I'll let it pass. But you know, then I have 80 year olds that say that say I love that you're my dad or whatever, you know, jokingly, it's a term of endearment.

Mary Schaub (18:54)

can I ask you about reading comments and feedback and criticism? especially maybe having a childhood like I did being bullied or maybe some not so great experiences.

it can feel very reminiscent sometimes of like the schoolyard out there. And sometimes it just feels, well, sometimes it's just plain mean and attacking and people are just seemingly working some stuff out.

Rob Kenney (19:09)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, it can be a little bit difficult because I'm, I'm human, you know, um, and you, have 99 amazing comments, then you have one and where does your head go? Your head goes towards the one. like, why am I focused on this one person that thinks, uh, I'm doing something wrong

Mary Schaub (19:28)

Mm-hmm.

Rob Kenney (19:35)

I think you got to kind of tune out. I do try to make myself available where I want to respond to comments that make sense. And plus, there's times where people are making comments. It's like,

somebody needs to get back to this person because they're a desperate situation. And I try to be sensitive to that, but I am just one person

one of my favorite quotes is the man in the arena by Teddy Roosevelt. critics are everywhere and you, you just got to decide whether you're going to listen to them or not. And I, I joked when I spoke last week, I said, you know, you can hand out a hundred dollar bills on the, on the side of the road and people would still find fault. That's just how they're wired. They just want to find fault with.

anything and everything. I'm sorry that your life is that miserable that you have to look at it from such a negative perspective, but I'm not going to live that way.

Mary Schaub (20:23)

That's right. And it's 98 % about them, right? We're all walking around and we're all thinking about ourselves most of the time and we're projecting whatever onto other people.

kudos to you, because it's really courageous and brave. The gift that you're giving everyone, requires you to be vulnerable and authentic, but it's also putting yourself, in a scary space sometimes in a vulnerable way. So we all benefit from your courage.

Rob Kenney (20:49)

thank you for recognizing that because that there it's for sure a thing. But again, I sure that I'm a man of faith. And so I get myself worth from from the Lord. And so I, I'm able to if I slow down and go, wait a second, why, you know, why you this bother you? It's not a big deal. Just keep doing what you're and I think when my channel first went viral scared me to death. And then I'm like, wow, why?

Mary Schaub (20:53)

Yeah, yeah.

Rob Kenney (21:15)

You know, this wasn't planned. There was no foundation built. We didn't know what we were doing. I really feel like the Lord wanted me to love people. I think that that was my responsibility more so than so I, you know, I share I say God bless you at the end, but I don't get preachy. I'm open about my faith because I think if I didn't share that, I think I'd be doing a disservice to people because it

It changed me. It changed who I am and how I see life and how I understand and how I process things. Without the Lord, I would be a wreck.

Mary Schaub (21:46)

Well, this is another area that I think you and Mr. Rogers have in common. He was an ordained Presbyterian minister and faith was central to his life. And I think the way I experienced both of you is that you're an embodiment of your faith, right? I feel like you speak about your faith, but I don't experience you as preachy or judgmental in any way. And I don't see you using it as like a label or a self-identifier. I experience...

you is practicing versus preaching. in Buddhism, there's a quote which says, don't be a Buddhist, be a Buddha. as a Christian, you're demonstrating it, you're not talking about doing these things, you're doing them and you're sharing that love, which is the message, love and caring and helping others, especially people who need it.

at its core you're walking around in service to others in a really loving and kind way.

and it just feels, it feels good. doesn't matter where someone else is coming from. I feel like you're doing it the way it should be done,

Rob Kenney (22:47)

trying to. I like that saying people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. think it was on a commercial recently, so it kind of ruined it. was like, I've always loved that. Now you're, now you're turning it into a.

a slogan I feel like I've been given the platform to be able to share, I don't think it's my responsibility to force anything on anybody, but I'm happy to talk through why I, why I'm at where I am, where I'm at.

Mary Schaub (23:13)

Something else you said in the book I wanna bring up and that's the quote, hurt people hurt people. And that certainly resonated with me. In my experience, hurt people either become hurtful people or they might become steadfast and never becoming like the person who hurt them. And this was the road I think you took and it's certainly the one I did where I was like, I don't ever wanna be that way.

I'm just wondering how the process around letting some of that go. I know you've been very generous in the book about your difficult early childhood and where you are today, there's this messy middle. And I think in terms of personal transformation or any kind of change,

we often gloss over the challenges of that. It's not as fun. It's like, it was this and now it's this and this is really great. But there was a long period where you were dealing with, you were talking about self-esteem and I don't know if there was self-blame or other things there, but that process took some years to work through, right?

Rob Kenney (24:15)

it absolutely did. Yeah. And I share in the book that unforgiveness of my dad, I think was a big thing holding me back. And so that's why any time I have a message, I try to work in forgiveness because I think we think it's about the other person. And really, it's killing you. you're drinking poison, hoping it hurts the other person. I like that quote that says forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and realizing the prisoner was you.

I came up with an acronym it's life, L.I.F.E. the L was to learn as much as you possibly can. I was.

Individual gifts we each have gifts that we've been given and a lot of times we'll sit and wish we had other people's gifts instead of being grateful for the gift that you have that you can share with somebody, you know, but we long for what other people have and why that comes so easy to them. Well, and it doesn't come easy to you, but other things come easy to you that don't come easy to them. And so it's just interesting how we tend to compare to each other. So that was it. Learn individual gifts. F was forgiveness, of course, and the E was

embrace the journey. like that John Lennon quote that says, life is what happens while we're making other plans. Because we're all like that. We're all wired like that. What are you doing tomorrow? Let's enjoy what we're doing right now.

Mary Schaub (25:21)

Yeah.

you're touching on is so important presence and how much we lose when we're not being present.

I was on the train the other day and I was listening to a podcast, flipping through a magazine and periodically answering text messages. And at one point I stopped myself and I was like, what am I doing? I deleted all the social media apps from my phone because I was noticing I couldn't even wait for a train for five minutes. just standing there felt intolerable.

Rob Kenney (25:53)

Yeah.

Mary Schaub (25:54)

I had a similar background to you. I think I was baptized Catholic and then I was raised reformed church. And then I ended up really gravitating toward Buddhism. It's something that really connected to me. I was in college and I had to work full-time and go to school full-time. And I remember the first summer where I didn't have to

do both and it was like a Saturday. So I didn't have to do anything on a Saturday. And I woke up and I felt panicked. really almost having a panic attack and I didn't know why. And it was because I just had to sit there in my own skin. And I just thought don't think it's a good thing that I am having a panic attack for just having to sit with myself. And I think unfortunately,

a lot of where we're at now is just built on us not paying attention and we lose so much. just lose so many clues about the world around us. We're not paying attention to the beauty of nature, the body language of other people. even though you mentioned you're part of social media, the fact that people want longer videos also seems really...

positive, people are enjoying spending time with you. They're not just looking for the funny TikTok video.

Rob Kenney (27:03)

Yeah, I, I would say in fairness, I think those unfortunately are few and far, far between meaning I think there's more people that are looking to be entertained than people that actually, I wish you'd make longer videos because I think they get it. They understand that I'm trying to walk alongside you and spend some quality time together. don't swipe away just because I don't have the fancy video equipment like other people might have.

But people do it, you know, it's that dopamine hit. This is boring. This is boring. I can't just sit here. Wow. But we're hanging out together. We were kind of hanging out and some people get it. I just, I don't think enough people get it. And maybe they will one day that they'll understand. And I, and I, I've said this about Mr. Rogers. think Mr. Rogers wasn't really appreciated until he was gone.

Mary Schaub (27:51)

Yeah.

I feel like there's going to be this counter-correction, Jonathan Haidt has had this movement to try to get schools to take phones out of schools and do some age gating around social media.

but you said something earlier, which is we all have a choice. We have a choice whether it's at the beginning of the year with a New Year's resolution or on a Sunday to just say maybe the whole family is gonna do no phone Sunday or something. I've been using the focus on my phone just to try to put some guardrails on all of this.

Rob Kenney (28:19)

maybe start out with a half an hour and say, Hey, let's have dinner together. Put the phones in the other room and we're just going to connect with each other and then maybe push it to an hour. You know, try to, that's, we need to connect. It's, it's just not healthy.

Mary Schaub (28:51)

I wanna switch gears and go back to the kinds of videos you're doing. Your first video was how to tie a tie. I don't know if you got feedback on how to tie a tie, but that's such a great thing. if you didn't have a dad, like how do you ever learn how to tie a tie? But then since then, you've produced so many different kinds of videos. You have household tasks and personal accounting, organization cooking, as you said. And what's really important is that a lot of these life skills aren't formally

anymore. In your book, you talk about empowerment and support. And I think for many people, for one reason or another, they never learned how to change a tire or a water filter.

Rob Kenney (29:19)

Right.

Mary Schaub (29:32)

But over time, your topics broadened. And so now you have videos entitled, You Can't Always Get What You Want and Juggling Priorities in Your Life.

What was that process like? Was that conscious where things sort of evolved out of being more tactical or was it the feedback you were getting? And how did it go from that from tires and filters?

Rob Kenney (29:56)

tried to do both. grateful for the ability to share wisdom, because I think that that's important. you got to share your heart with your kids.

a dad is more than just Mr. Fix it. share your heart with your kids. I'm grateful. I told my daughter early on when I first did this, said, I, I don't want it to be just a how to, I, talked to my kids all the time.

they still have questions about things and we talk through decision making, My daughter's dealing with a lot of decisions right now she's actually producing a film. It's kind of cool. But she has a lot, of questions. Not that I know the answers to them, but I can help her process the decision making part of it.

I had one person, I did a video and then at the end said, it was just a short video on something I can't remember. then at the end said, God bless you. And this lady said, I really love this information, but I can't share it because it says God bless you at the end. I'm like, my goodness, really? Okay. You know, I guess that's

Mary Schaub (30:47)

I mean,

who needs to look inward. What's going on? You know, my dad would say cutting off your nose to spite your face, as I'm listening to you about the tactical kinds of things, I mean, two things come to mind. One is it is an act of love to teach someone how to do something and empower them. And so as a child who,

you know, was alone a lot. know, I, like you, I raised by my dad, did the best he could, but he didn't have any experience with teenage girls.

emotional intimacy was so hard for him, sometimes I'd get those conversations while he was doing fix it stuff.

Like that was a good cover or bowling. He was a big bowling guy. And so I started to bowl just so we'd have something to do on a Sunday morning. We'd go in the bowling alley, opened up, we'd play a bunch of games. And then there would be like little moments of intimacy in between frames or, you know, I'd do something and he'd correct my posture. And then he'd go, so, how's that new job? And what's with that boyfriend? And, you know, and then we'd go back to bowling and it was just, it was a nice way of kind of broaching.

Rob Kenney (31:24)

Yeah.

Mary Schaub (31:53)

some deeper stuff

Rob Kenney (31:55)

Yeah, think there was a big thing years ago about quality time. Quality time over quantity time. But I think a lot of quality time happens from quantity time just hanging out and stuff coming up naturally rather than getting a lecture. OK, I got to sit you down and tell you what you need to know. That never goes over very well. I think we've all tried it, but it doesn't work.

Mary Schaub (32:05)

Yeah.

Rob Kenney (32:18)

near as well as just experiencing life together and then stuff comes up

Mary Schaub (32:21)

I think that's where you can learn emotional intelligence. you're putting something together and frustrated. I think it's an opportunity for the other person to patience

and how to interact with others. I mean, that's a pretty critical life skill that

that I think comes through.

Rob Kenney (32:37)

I got to give credit where credits do my brother Rick, the one that took me in, um, he was only 23 at the time. and his wife, 20, well, she was 24. was a journeyman cabinet maker. And I, I got to spend a lot of time with him on different things

where you hang out with somebody that really, really knows something. They don't really sweat the small stuff. They just got it because they've seen it before. I've seen that. Okay, yeah, we just do this. let's see. What can we do? And they kind of, you know, think through it as a puzzle. And they don't get flustered. The tricky thing is a dad is you're kind of expecting to know a lot of things. And that's why you get a lot of people saying, hold the flashlight and I'll hold the flashlight. He's mad. He's mad probably because he's frustrated that he doesn't know what he's doing. I think that's a

Mary Schaub (33:19)

Right.

Rob Kenney (33:20)

big thing and he's putting the pressure on himself that he wishes he knew how to do it. I think a big thing.

is going back and asking for forgiveness though. I think that was a big thing. I'd always try to go back and say, listen, I, I did not handle that very well and I'm sorry. I'm trying my best. So I hope you understand that that's where I'm coming from. And a lot of times that would come through in prayer time at night when we would pray. I just kind of confess that I'm, I failed today. helped me to do better. And that's my goal is to try to be the best parent that I could be. I'm not going to be perfect.

Mary Schaub (33:54)

But that's another amazing life skill, right? Is the rupture repair process that was something that certainly in my family was never modeled with no one knew how to do that was it's okay to fight or to get frustrated or whatever. And then this is how we process it and we talk about it and we ask for forgiveness or apologize or whatever. And that's a gift because that's gonna just happen throughout our whole lives.

Rob Kenney (33:55)

light skill right instead of

Mary Schaub (34:19)

I think when you've had maybe childhoods like it sounds like you and I have had, emotional regulation can be a challenge. And even if you're putting together a cabinet and it's not working, sometimes you react a little more intensely than maybe the situation calls for, but it's coming from some other places. I think this is what you bring in your videos, which is,

It's okay. It's okay to struggle. It's okay if this is a little crooked or maybe it's not okay. And you talk about that. But I think that having one person that can regulate themselves like you do is really great when you're the other person, whether it be a child or one of your internet kids listening, who's maybe not feeling emotionally regulated. And I think when you grow up in environments where both mom and dad maybe don't know how to do that and you're a kid learning how to do that yourself,

That's really hard. You need some stable energy in the room to model off of an anchor, off of. I have a funny story from when I was in Sunday school. My teacher, her name was Ginny Cook. And the reason I knew it was Ginny Cook was I must've heard my parents talk about her first name, you know, cause little kids don't call adults by their full name. And I found,

loud and crowded environments, very overstimulating. So I was in Sunday school and there's all these little five-year-old kids running around and screaming. And Jenny Cook would tell the story well into my 30s and 40s. She'd say, you were this little girl, Mary, and you turned to me in Sunday school and you said, Jenny Cook, shut these screaming kids up. And she told the story very lovingly about this little precocious kid. But as I was reflecting on it, I guess there's two things. One,

As a five-year-old little girl, I was really not okay. It felt very unsafe and chaotic, that environment. And two, she was so healthy and emotionally regulated herself that she wasn't screaming at all the kids. Like frankly, I wanted her to. And she was able just to hold the kind of space for me and just be kind of calm. And that's a great lesson for all of us. Cause if we're all freaking out, right? It doesn't go anywhere constructive.

Rob Kenney (36:23)

Yeah. Yeah. I get emails and stuff from people all the time. And this one woman wrote me and she said, I'm about your age. And she said, and I think she has six kids. Maybe she might be a little bit younger than me, but she said, her dad never smiled and her dad wouldn't even let her smile.

And she said she would, you know, I don't want to get too into detail out of respect for her, but she said that her dad even broke her jaw by smacking her across the face because she was smiling. he said, wipe that smirk off your face. so she said, just seeing me smile means the world to her because I kind of naturally smile.

I think everybody likes to be around people that smile, So I try not to take a lot of things too seriously. Certainly not perfect by any means, like I said, but I think a smile is can go a long way. It's just comforting to people.

Mary Schaub (37:12)

It is. Well, thank you. I want to be respectful of your time. I want to wrap up with a segment I call the protagonist questionnaire, and it's inspired by the French journalist Bernard Pivot and the wonderful late James Lipton from the actor studio. And so it's just a bunch of fun questions to get to know you a little bit better. What person or person first showed you your own power?

Rob Kenney (37:34)

Aside from Jesus, guess, my brother Rick was instrumental in

Mary Schaub (37:39)

What film do you find most inspiring?

Rob Kenney (37:43)

It's a wonderful life. love it's a wonderful life. I watch that every year, even if nobody else wants to watch it. I'll watch it by myself, even though I know the outcome and it's hard to watch. Uncle Billy, give the money to Potter. You know, you have to go through those cringy moments. I've said that about my own life because I, you know, it's tough talking about some of the stuff in my own life, but that's what makes it the end so amazing. If you, if I didn't have that muddy garbage in the middle.

Mary Schaub (37:44)

me too

same.

And I still cry, still cry.

Rob Kenney (38:12)

the end wouldn't be as glorious.

Mary Schaub (38:14)

Absolutely. What song do you play to psych yourself up?

Rob Kenney (38:20)

Uh, dare you to move is a great song by switch foot. Just encouraging you to get out there and do something.

Mary Schaub (38:25)

Okay.

What's your favorite comfort food?

Rob Kenney (38:33)

Pizza, probably. I don't know. I like Chipotle too. yeah.

Mary Schaub (38:37)

classic.

What do do to unwind, self-soothe, or remind yourself not to take life too seriously?

Rob Kenney (38:44)

That'd be my quiet time, I guess, reading the Bible. And Psalms are always comforting.

Mary Schaub (38:50)

What sound fills your heart with joy?

Rob Kenney (38:54)

I would say worship.

Mary Schaub (38:57)

What is your spirit animal?

Rob Kenney (39:00)

I don't know. my dog and she's so loyal and just so happy to see me she follows me. I'm her I'm her person. She stares at me everywhere I go and she I go in the garage and it's cold and I'm working out and she wants to just sit there and stare at me.

Mary Schaub (39:18)

What is your favorite quote? I know you have a lot of them.

Rob Kenney (39:21)

Yeah, I would say I mean, if it can be a long one, it would be the man in the arena, because that was spoken to me so so much because the credit belongs to the people that are actually in the arena. Anybody can be a critic if you're actually putting yourself out there. Give yourself credit, because not everybody does that, you know, because they don't want to be criticized. And so they'll hang back. Well, you're putting yourself out there. Give yourself credit

Mary Schaub (39:47)

Absolutely. And finally, how do you wish to be remembered?

Rob Kenney (39:51)

I've had to process this a lot, I think, over the past several years and talking about leaving a legacy and stuff. And I really, really landed on, I'd like to be a man after God's own heart. I'm just trying to do the best I can with the abilities that I feel like I've been given. And so I'm just one, I mean, when I hear that David was a man after God's own heart, it's like, boy, that would be a pretty cool thing that that's what I'm, I'm just, you know, failing all the time. Don't hold up to that.

know, doing the best that I can, but that would be the ultimate goal.

Mary Schaub (40:22)

Well, that's certainly how I experience you. We are living in difficult times and many people are struggling. Mr. Rogers famously said, quote, when I was a boy, I would see scary things in the news and my mother would say to me, look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping. And Rob, I think you are one of those people. You are helping so many people, literally millions. I want to thank you for living with integrity and inspiring all of us through your example.

Thank you so much.

Rob Kenney (40:52)

Yep, thank you. Thanks for having me on.